425-SYB-Reluctant-Stories.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Carol Cox:
We are walking our talk, and we’re sharing the stories that we’ve been most reluctant to share so that we can role model storytelling and vulnerability for you, on this episode of the Speaking Your Brand podcast.
Carol Cox:
More and more women are making an impact by starting businesses, running for office and speaking up for what matters. With my background as a TV political analyst, entrepreneur, and speaker, I interview and coach purpose driven women to shape their brands, grow their companies, and become recognized as influencers in their field. This is speaking your brand, your place to learn how to persuasively communicate your message to your audience.
Carol Cox:
Hi, I’m Carol Cox and welcome to Speaking Your Brand. Joined by Diane Diaz. Hi, Diane.
Diane Diaz:
Hi, Carol.
Carol Cox:
So we’re going to get into our own stories that we have been reluctant to share, that we haven’t really shared, and we have shared quite a bit on the Speaking Your Brand podcast and the work that we do and the Thought Leader Academy with our clients, because we’re very open and we want a role model, this idea of storytelling and vulnerability. But there’s always a few stories that are like a little like naked still kind of cringe a little bit, but they’re so revealing because they show the personal growth and the journey that we’ve been on, which is exactly why we encourage the women that we work with to do the same. And we talk a lot about storytelling and how storytelling is such an essential ingredient for thought leadership, for public speaking, keynotes, TEDx talks. But oftentimes we’re like, okay, sure, I’ll pull a story from my career or from a workplace situation that had that happened, I got demoted in my first job, or I didn’t get the job of my dreams that I really wanted. So I’ll tell that story. And those stories are fine. Like there’s definitely a place for them. But then there’s those personal stories, the ones that you really still feel. And those are the ones where I feel like so much of the speaker comes to life. Don’t you think?
Diane Diaz:
I do. I think we often play it safe, you know, we play it safe in a lot of ways, right? Not just storytelling. So it makes sense that we’re sort of protecting ourselves by just telling safe stories. Stories from our careers or. And it may have even been a failure. Something that you experienced in your career, but it’s relatively safe. And it’s also businessy. Right. Rather than diving into the personal stuff because it feels really vulnerable to tell those personal stories, because you feel very exposed. And I can understand where it’s a challenge to want to tell those stories.
Carol Cox:
Well, we feel like people are going to judge us or look at us as weak or incompetent or incapable, like, oh my gosh, how could she have done that? Or how could she have made that decision? I’ve talked on the podcast about speaking engagements that I’ve done that did not go the way that I wanted them to. And when I first, I remember when I first decided to tell that story in an episode, I was like, oh my gosh, is anyone ever going to want to hire me as their coach? I had a bad speaking engagement, but then like, well, but then if you never have any failures, even in the work that you do, your expertise, how can you teach someone else? Or how can you understand maybe where they’re getting stuck or what their fears are?
Diane Diaz:
Yeah, no, it makes sense that we would sort of hedge our bets there and share only the safe stories, because we don’t want to be judged and we don’t we don’t want to have clients say, well, then why would I work with you? And this has come up with clients before where they’ve wanted or had stories that maybe showed how they didn’t handle the situation very well, that actually had to do with the work that they do. And then I really try to encourage them. No, you have to tell that story.
Carol Cox:
Because I feel like the audience members who hear that the ones who really like absorb it, are the ones who need to hear that in that moment. I oftentimes tell the women that we work with that you don’t know who’s in your audience, whatever message you’re sharing with them. They could have heard a similar message twice before, but maybe it was ten years ago and they weren’t ready to hear it or didn’t land for them in that way. They weren’t in a certain stage in their life, and all of a sudden they hear you say it the way that you say it with your perspective and the reason that it matters to you, and it clicks for them. Does it have to click for every single person in the audience just for those people who it is? Therefore, as we say, you are the messenger for your message and your story and those those people in the audience are waiting for that.
Diane Diaz:
Yeah. And I like what you say is that if there’s a story that you’re reluctant to share, that is probably the story that you need to share, because there’s a reason why you’re reluctant to share it. And however you feel about that and the reason that’s keeping you from sharing it, that is what the audience members are going to identify with because they have been there too. Maybe not the exact same story, but something similar, a similar situation. And that’s going to encourage them, right, to open up and to tap into whatever it is that you’re sharing with them.
Carol Cox:
So are we ready? Yeah. You want to go first?
Diane Diaz:
Sure. Okay. So we so we were talking before recording this. And so a story that I really have never shared. I mean, I’ve shared it with close personal connections and friends, but I don’t share it widely because it is, of course, it’s, you know, it’s not embarrassing, but it feels very vulnerable and raw and open. Is that when I was younger and I was in school, my sister was two years older than me, and she was excelling in all these, you know, academics, and she was in academically talented students programs and things. And I remember, you know, so I’m two years behind her, so I’m learning things after her. But I had a hard time learning how to tell time. It took me a really long time to learn how to tell time. And this was before digital watches, right? So like it was really hard for me. It also took me a long time to learn how to do my multiplication tables. And I remember I remember another situation where so my sister had been tested and tested gifted or whatever, and they at the same age that she was when she was tested, they my parents had me tested. And all I remember is just my mom and the teacher sort of looking at the results and like shaking their heads like. So I thought, well, I must be dumb. Like, I mean, obviously it’s hard for me to learn how to tell time I can’t. I’m having a struggling with times tables and now they’ve tested me. So there’s clear evidence that I am dumb. And I think I must have been eight, nine, ten years old. What it does for me is it makes me work a gajillion times harder than anyone else.
Carol Cox:
Well, Diane, first, thank you for sharing that. You’re smart, like you put things together. You know, you like, you connect, you know, connect the dots between different things. Obviously, the work that we do with our clients and taking a three hour VIP day, they basically brain dump all of their ideas and stories and concepts and ideas for frameworks. And then you map it all out and our framework and but like you said, like the coping side of it was, I’m going to work extra hard. I’m going to study extra hard to make sure that in your mind that you keep up with everything else. And so thinking about how this could apply to a broader message that you would share, maybe in a keynote type of talk. What like what lessons would you draw for the audience to take that personal story and then take it to the universal lesson. Yeah, I.
Diane Diaz:
Think the lesson is that even if there’s a not a negative, but even if there’s something about yourself or something that you’re struggling with or have struggled with or that’s always, always kind of there, whatever that thing is that what you might consider a personal like struggle? There is a flip side to that, right? There is another side of that coin, right. And so what is the other side of that coin? So whatever the thing is that you’re struggling with, look on the other side to see what is the benefit of that. Right. Because I have developed mechanisms that help me. Like I always joke that I’m not a procrastinator. I’m a procrastinator. I do things way before they’re due, and that is because I need to feel prepared in order to feel like I am not succumbing to me thinking that I am not smart, right? Like I need to do everything ahead of time. So then I feel really prepared and that makes me feel I’m smart, right? So look at the other side of the coin and see what is there. There’s probably an opportunity.
Carol Cox:
It’s so funny, Diane, because you and I are alike in so many ways we joke about that we have the same brain. Yet we also are very different when it comes to this, because you are the procrastinator and I am not at all. And I know it probably makes you crazy sometimes where I’m like, okay, let’s just go do a presentation tomorrow. Wait, what? And you’re like, what? What are we doing? Like, okay, I’ll just show up and I’m sure it’ll be great, but I try to take some of that procrastination from you. And I’m like, okay, like, what can I do to prepare ahead of time? I like the just in time nature of what I do. I think it maybe just keeps me more interested in what I’m doing. But then I also realize that sometimes I think I’m going to have enough time, but then surprise! Something comes up and ruins my schedule, and then I’m scrambling at the last minute. So you know.
Diane Diaz:
What I would say the other lesson than what you know, you mentioned. What could the audience take away from this conversation is that find people who sort of balance you out. And so to that point, like you take that from me about the procrastination, but I also have learned to lighten up a little bit. And I don’t have to be super prepared because sometimes just going with it actually ends up in a better result. Right. So you have to kind of trust the process, but find people who naturally kind of align with you and help you complement each other. Right. And I think that’s what we’ve done. But that does help with whatever each of your strengths and weaknesses are.
Carol Cox:
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I’m thinking about even talks back when you started delivering talks and when you had the brand teacher and I would help you and I know you would prepare.
Diane Diaz:
In advance months ahead and have.
Carol Cox:
All your slides and your slide notes and your outline. And then we started working together and speaking your brand. I’m like, no, we’re just going to go do it. Yeah. I’m like.
Diane Diaz:
All right, I don’t have anything prepared, but let’s figure it out. Yeah.
Carol Cox:
And we do. And then I know that there’s been times where the slides don’t work because of whatever reason, and it’s actually ended up being a better experience for the audience and for us as the presenters. Just to really get back to the storytelling aspects of what we do.
Diane Diaz:
Yeah, absolutely. I think when you rely too much on the preparation, I think you take away some of that spontaneity that might add flavor to it. So I’ve tried to lean more into that. And so to anybody watching this, I would say, you know, try not to be so prepared that you actually prepare yourself right out of any interesting or spontaneous content.
Carol Cox:
Yes, absolutely. Because you know who is prepared. The AI. That’s right. That’s right. So we have to.
Diane Diaz:
Distinguish.
Carol Cox:
Ourselves from that and be much more human and be imperfect and embrace the imperfections that we have. Speaking of imperfections, so the story that I’ve been reluctant to share, that I really have never shared with hardly anyone except for my husband, Ed, probably, and my mom is back when I was in seventh grade, 12 years old. I remember that I had to find a new group of girls to sit with at lunch because my best friend, who had been best friends with since third grade, we would have lunch together. But that semester or that year in school, we were in different lunch periods. So like, she was my safety blanket. Right. And so I would sit with her and everything was fine. But for this year I didn’t. And so I had these group, this group of girls that I knew we were in class together, but I didn’t really know them well, never went over to their house like we didn’t have sleepovers, so I kind of knew them, but didn’t really. But I remember I would sit with them at lunch and there was one day I can actually picture the lunchroom, you know, the round lunch tables and the plastic chairs sitting around it. And there were there were probably 3 or 4 girls and me and, and it’s like, almost like a dream where it’s kind of like blurry and stuff and they’re like, Carol, we don’t want to sit with you at lunch anymore.
Diane Diaz:
Oh, no.
Carol Cox:
And I was just like, I can still feel it. I was like, I was devastated. I don’t know if I asked them questions or I’m very conflict avoidant, so I probably didn’t ask them anything. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if I did something, they did something. Obviously at that age, you’re probably not very good at relationships and conflict resolution and talking things out. So I was like, okay, like I don’t know what else to do. And I remember there maybe that was the beginning of the week, and for the next few days, I had to sit by myself.
Diane Diaz:
Oh, no.
Carol Cox:
And you know what that’s like in middle school, especially, like you feel like everyone’s eyes are on you. Everyone’s looking at you like, what’s wrong with you? And I’ll never forget it must have been a day or two after I’d been sitting by myself and another girl named. Her name is Kathy Castro. I’ll never forget her name and what she looked like. She was this cool girl. She had, like, this short, really kind of edgy haircut. And I knew her again. We had a class together, but I didn’t know her well. And she must have seen me by myself. Maybe I was crying, I don’t know, I’m known to cry. So I could have been probably just very sad looking. And she came to me and she said, Carol, do you want to sit together for lunch? And I was so grateful for her. I don’t know if I had the words at that age to like, tell her how much that meant to me. I was embarrassed enough as it was, but I remember she sat with me and you know, we would talk and what have you. And I really do need to look her up on Facebook to find out what happened to her and just and thank her even all these years. So the story that I’ve been telling myself since that incident, probably things before and after that had happened to me, is that I’m not likable, that people are not going to like me for who I am or how I show up. So kind of like putting on this facade, right? Like, okay. Like I look good, I look presentable. And so I feel like that has obviously shown up so much in my career where there has been like people pleaser or those perfectionist tendencies working.
Diane Diaz:
On a talk and or anything that you’re creating and thinking about incorporating your stories, bring out those harder stories because I think it would be beneficial to your audience, but I think it’ll be beneficial for you as well. On sort of along the lines of healing.
Carol Cox:
Oh, absolutely. I do think that talking about our stories is is very healing. And like I always say, it’s in service to the audience. And you have to know that whatever you’re sharing, that story, you’re sharing with the audience is going to benefit them. And there’s a larger lesson that you want to share or it ties back to your talk. They’re not there as your personal therapist, right? You don’t want TMI information to them. But at the same time, I know we also get a lot of questions from our clients that say, well, but what if I tear up when I’m sharing that particular story, because I still do feel it. And we’re like, that’s that’s fine. It’s normal. It’s human to still feel emotional about it because you, you’re always probably going to have that kind of muscle memory, that body memory of it. But you but you should be past the story enough that you can share it in a meaningful way and tie it back to your larger message.
Diane Diaz:
So I think digging into these deeper stories to find ways to let other sides of yourself come out is not only helpful to the audience, but I think it lets you bring your whole self to the work that you do.
Carol Cox:
So we’ve shared kind of these reluctant, heartfelt stories about ourselves when we were young and how it has shaped us. So maybe in the next episode we can bring out more of this fun, funny, personable aspects of our personality. Yeah. So stay tuned for our next episode where maybe Diane will do part of her comedy set for us, I don’t know. Impromptu. We shall see. Until next time. Thanks for watching.
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